posted on 14.06.14
for the first time in years, i am actually hitting a problem that can’t be solved through block buttons or tumblr savior or xkit.
i want to be active in the conversations surrounding the things that i care about. i want to participate and learn and help move things around and figure stuff out…
but, for the first time,
i am scared to say anything, to even ask questions.
and that pisses me off.
it’s completely infuriating.
my tumblr experience has been largely wonderful (
maybe i’m the outlier that should not be counted).
there have been some exceptions, but those were easily ignored and not super important. i admit some of what i’ve ignored has been confirmation bias at it’s finest (or worst, depending on your point of view), but i don’t come to tumblr to provoke my own anxiety and depression. i’m not stable enough to poke that shit.
but now, when it matters, i can’t join the conversation because there are things that i don’t know, and i don’t even know where to find out before i proceed.
can’t go in ignorant, because the environment here is toxic.
being ignorant and joining the conversation here is something akin to walking into a serious gas leak knowing you don’t have a gas mask or rebreather or whatever you want to call it, and knowing there is no way back to fresh air once you’ve gone in.
i’m not in a good place, so maybe i should just step back and wait this out, see what unfolds, right?
….but i don’t want to!
and i don’t think i should have to?
like, just because you don’t know how income taxes work, doesn’t mean you get a free pass and don’t have to pay them… but what the frick
being a person is complicated, and everyone fucks up in all kinds of ways, right?
but just because someone is a fuckup, doesn’t mean they stop being a person?
if someone does something unforgivable, you cut them out of your life, as you most definitely should. great.
you make sure everyone knows what they’ve done so they can be held accountable for their actions and be treated accordingly. also great.
maybe their life tanks and they have to work through the pile of shit they’ve been standing in or avoiding. fine, they deserve it, it’s their responsibility.
but there’s this area that’s grey for me.